uh-oh

i think luke died.

i haven't heard from him in a while (like, almost a whole day), and he doesn't respond to emails, OR answer his phone. so something MUST be wrong, because that is just waaay too unusual.

of all the great ways i think luke died, i think the most probable is that he was walking across the street and bent over because he saw a plastic bag on the cement that he remembered he had put his keys in the night before. He left the bag on the curb, where he had been sitting and opening his mail the night before - which included a pair of new vampire fangs from dentaldistortions.com. He needed new fangs because the one on the left broke a few weeks ago when he had a few too many glasses of wine and bit down hard on a crosswalk button on the corner of the ave and 45th - on his way home from a ballerina party where he had met a wonderful woman named Shaquandaleelah (who is wonderful except her shelf butt - but luke has actually come to the conclusion that this might be a GOOD thing for a woman, because he can use it to hold his coffee mugs) and they had gone out to eat and he actually managed to eat MORE than her, finishing off her extra large bowl of pho. anyways, when he bent down to recover his keys from this plastic bag, so that he could go inside and check if his animetorrentporn had finished downloading, he was hit by a car and dragged all the way to dicks, where he finally died. ...they probably could have saved him because all he needed was a bite to eat, but he said "no thanks, I don't eat DEAD flesh..."